misskeshalabonte's Lovelyish

Falling in and out of love, back and forth

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:12:33 GMT

What happens if you think you're falling out of love with someone? I still have that family love for him, that "I would give you the shirt off my back" love, but it's like I've almost completely lost interest in him. He even said it himself last night "I don't think I'm interesting enough for you" I tried to sit there and reassure him that he was, why? Why did I when I'm cheating? I keep feeling the slightest tinge of guilt but continue to do it whenever I can. The other guy sparks my interest for some reason and he wants to be nothing else but the other man, well I figured as much since he knows I'm with somebody. I know there might be alot of judgement coming towards me after this blog. Alot of people might say I'm heartless for trying to reassure someone they're still the love of my life, when in actuality I don't want that kind of love anymore. I'm just so confused, he's my bestfriend, the only one I confide in and the man that's there for me whenever I need him.Somedays he disgusts me, it gives me a headache just to hear him talk and other days I feel deeply in love, wanting nobody but him and swearing that I will NOT text this guy again.....I'm completely lost and I'm so desperate to find out what's wrong with me. Am I just not ready for love? He's leaving for Miami Saturday, I'm supposed to move down there with him in the next couple of weeks but Lord knows I don't know if that's the right move if I'm feeling this way....

down hill

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 20:24:58 GMT

During my tiring job search...I decided to take a break and vent on here. God, stuff is crazy...seriously I'm going through it. BROKE can't find a job at all, neither can my fiance and we've been looking since I got pregnant, I had a job at this warehouse for a while but it was temporary and I thought I would go to temp to perm but the company shut down...Just my luck. Anyway...We're fighting (well I am) to stay where I'm at now...trying to go back to school...Just ran out of diapers last night. Seriously not one or two left and someone's going to get more...I've asked everybody I could....I borrowed a few but...whatever...I'm lost!

Had my baby

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 04:17:49 GMT

I had my baby July 25th. Azaria Trenaye Watts She was 7 lbs 1 oz, my smallest baby. it was the easiest labor I've had but also the longest. The dr. gave me a date to enduce me which took FOREVER, they enduced me because she kept moving so they needed to deliver her while her head was down. they kept giving me medicine to get me dialated and it took the whole night until around 10 in the morning, I seriously only felt 2 or 3 contractions because they kept pain meds in me then an epidural (which messed up my leg it still feels kinda numb) I could barely feel the contractions to push, I hate when drs have that annoyed tone in their voices "Ok, cmon now push" hello you did give me this strong ass epidural that knocked out any indications I had of pain, lol whatever. ANYWAY, my baby's healthy she looks like me, just not as light. After a huge argument me and my SO had, we haven't argued over petty things at all...The fight was that serious and we saw what we both were really trippin about. I'm starting to get stircrazy though, even though I'm constantly gone, doing mommy things...signing my oldest up for pre-k, dentist, WIC, drs appts, hearing/visions screenings, getting ANOTHER copy of birth certs, it's so much and it never ends and my mom always tells me "welcome to motherhood" I like staying busy I just want to be able to do it all, you know? Look good, be a great mom/partner and cook and keep the house clean (impossible when u live with 10 people and 3 dogs) My so does help out a whole lot, always makes sure he has at least one baby lol. takes them so me and the baby can sleep, watches the kids when i run these errands, i'm really greatful. The keys r sticking though so bye!

baby update

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 14:23:12 GMT

I'm having a girl and even though I already have two girls, it's still good news. I'm really worried though, they're sending me to an ultrasound specialist because the baby has fluid around her heart. The doctor said it's probably nothing but they just need to double check. "Fluid around the heart" sounds serious. And on top of that, I lost some weight, which is not suppose to happen during pregnancy, mainly because I'm stressed and my iron is low. God, I really hope my baby and myself are ok. I'm really, really sleepy though, I've been up since 6:30..so I'm takin a nap!

Another ass backwards situation

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:45:09 GMT

I'm not really frustrated or mad about this situation just a bit distraught because my mom won't take action. Here's the story: My brother, boyfriend and their friends (grown men) make a spot down in the basement to hang out. This way no one is coming through the front door late at night, they can smoke downstairs, etc. Guys stuff, whatever. It's cool until I see my 13 year old sister down there 24/7, then she moves a matress into one of the backrooms and starts sleeping down there. The basement is not even finished, not even close, it just has a few couches set up with a tv and a table in one room. The backdoor to the basement doesn't even lock, it's broken all it does is close. My sister won't listen to a word I say, so I ask my boyfriend to speak to her, she didn't listen to him either. I tell my mom and she's so focused on telling me I'm "competting" with my 13 yr old sister, that I'm jealous...She's completely not looking at the fact that a 13 year old girl chills with GROWN ASS MEN, she says she's "one of the guys". NO, no she's not "one of the guys" one of the guys would be not wearing hoochie shorts laying on the couch with her legs spread wide for the world to see her cooch...And yes, these guys well some of them look at her as a little sister she comes off as grown and who knows what could happen? What if someone decides they wanna tap that and come over late as hell after everyone but her stupid ass has gone upstairs? You can't hear anything downstairs except for the music if its blaring. To make it worse, my mom and uncle are leaving...She's leaving for NC and my uncle's going to SC 4th of July weekend so neither of them will be here and I'm like "So, where is she going while ya'll are away" The answer---nowhere. Are you serious? She doesn't listen to me? UGH!

SO MAD

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 16:16:58 GMT

Before I get into why I'm mad let me start off by saying I'm 7 months pregnant. Ok, so my mom is about to leave the house, I run out to the car "Hey, lemme go with ya'll it'll take me 2 seconds" and she was like "Ok, just hurry" I run to my room get a shirt and some shoes and as I'm running out of the door they're leaving! My sister and our next door neighbor are behind me...I trip and fall, struggling to get up and NO ONE says "Are you ok?" "You need some help?" "Omg, somebody go tell Keith (my boyfriend) Kesha fell" No...None of that, my mom stopped the car for like two seconds and then drove off. I understand that I usually take forever but damn I was acting like I wanted to leave sooo bad! That's not even what I'm mostly mad about, I'm mad that no one took the time to see if I was ok, I am pregnant and I'm not even the type to try to get pity or whatever because I'm preg, I think that was serious enough to care about. Then my next door neighbor went in the basement and didn't even tell my boyfriend and it just makes me think NO ONE cares!

Am I overeacting? Or what?

got a job

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 18:48:35 GMT

Haven't been on here in a few weeks. I started this job at a warehouse, sounds hard but its really hard. I just do simple stuff like pack phone filters, count cables, etc. Not hard at all, but boring and long. YES. It's a 9 hour day. 7-4. We don't have any work to do until Wednesday which means sucky paycheck next week. Oh well, I'm glad I got a job. Write more later!

A Rude Run-In

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 05:52:22 GMT

So last night I'm out with my friend and we go see some guy she's really into. Well, he has a friend that just happened to show up . I'm already not interested in cheating or anything but even if I was this is pick up line? He looks over at me as I'm sitting on the opposite side of the couch and says "You have some really big titties"....I give him this weird look and ignore it. Then he proceeds to say "So are you a freak? How freaky can you get?" Damn, if it wasn't rainy and cold outside I would've waited outside. When did it become ok to say stuff like that to a girl you don't even know? He had the balls to come at me like that? WOW! I just think that a lot of guys are just trying to get straight to the point now and it sucks that they don't even do what they used to do, share meaningless small talk "what's your name, where do you come from?" I still would have said I had a boyfriend but EVEN if I didn't I would've said I did. What he said was lame and rude. These guys are the reason men have a bad name.

my flat iron is destroyed

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 18:43:12 GMT

So upset that my flat iron was found on the floor crushed. I think someone sat in the recliner or something and it broke. The plates are hanging off, wires torn out. That's $30, gone. I hate how my hair looks curly. I can't really do alot with it.

Been having relationship problems, my kids are OUT of control and I'm looking for a place to live. I had a really good interview though! Anyway just mad that I bought it a few months ago and its ruined already.

Blabbing!

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 12:33:03 GMT

Guess I haven't been writing blogs lately because I wanted to write something deep and meaningful or at least something that was interesting. Well I'm bored so I'm just gonna blab. Gotta free phone in the mail today, you can qualify to get one if you're low income, only catch is it's prepaid...a tracfone. No complaints here. the website: safelink.com. my boyfriend's gotta metro so i just use the prepaid when i leave the house without him. I'm having a real big problem with my body lately, I hate it. I keep my boobs in a supported push up bra 24-7 thinking this way they won't sag during the pregnancy. I'm just waitin for my butt to sag, you know the kind of butt I'm talking about---the fat ones that just droop over your cottage cheese thighs lol. Thank God I don't have that either. Sometimes I think I look pretty good to have 3 kids, then other times I miss when I could fit into a size 4. Now a size 10...sucks. I'm waiting to go to a walk in interview at my college's cafeteria (fun huh!) I was rushin the hell outta myself this morning and guess what? Put on flip flops...wow Kesha, anyway I'm in the car and I remember there's brown heels in the back. Brown? I have on black and white with a nice pair of jeans...Has to work I can't go to an interview in flip flops. My daughter's father's family calls flip flops "slippers" it gets on my nerves...Just like when old people call em thongs.There's alot of things that bother me about my daughter's side of the family (oldest daughter) Like how they think they can punish your kid, one toy is for all, NO loser if I buy a toy for my kid it's not for your kid unless yours is sharing too. Or when they used to ALWAYS think just because I had a little cash or was going to the store I was gonna get them something and if I didn't they would keep asking for what i Had. ANNOYING. OMG another thing, they get food stamps trade them in for cash and there's NO food in the fridge. They eat maybe twice a day or just a big dinner, even though they have food stamps. His mom pissed me off she'd spend the money on African movies and her daughter would have to ask people to buy her school supplies and she'd ask me if I'd use some of my food stamps to buy food for them. No, tell your mom to use her FOOD stamp money the right way, Geez it reminds me of those people that put back milk for their kids and get alchol if they dont have enough for both.Or the moms who split A cookie between 3 kids and then eat 5 herself.

Ok, I'm done blabbing!